Always
by zoe chocobo
Summary: Leon and Cloud were a couple in High School, but broke up at a graduation party. Five years later, they meet again. LeonxCloud, AU, lots of drugs and alcohol
1. Chapter 1

**Note: **This is my first story so I'd love suggestions and comments. I'm sorry about any grammatical errors, I have no beta... :/ uhm, there are some parts I don't like, but I'm just glad I'm actually writing something.

Hope you like it! Review please :D

By the way, I don't own any characters, Square does.

_The last day of school. _

_Seventy percent of the senior—now former senior—population were scattered haphazardly around the house of Tifa Lockheart. Of that seventy percent, approximately sixty percent were drunk or high off their asses._

_In the living room, the stereo blasted a vulgar Buckcherry song at maximum volume. Most of the occupants were sprawled out on various pieces of furniture. In the kitchen, ex-students drunkenly stumbled to the keg for another cup of beer. Tifa gingerly stepped over the unconscious body of Aerith Gainsborough as she led a very drunk Reno through her trashed living room to the stairs. _

_In the next room, Kairi and Riku finished their line of coke and doubled over with laughter. They didn't even notice Axel dash by them toward the bathroom. In the next room, Yuffie jumped onto the pool table and proceeded to lift up her dark blue tank top; fortunately, Sora was able drag her down before too much could be revealed._

_Zack Fair proudly rasied his arms victoriously as he slammed his empty shot glass on the table; having beat Sephiroth's previous record of 6 shots. Sephiroth stumbled out of the room, his drunken friends having turned their attention to Zack._

_Tifa's house was complete chaos. Beer cans and empty cups littered the floor and tables of every room, the bathrooms smelled rancid, chairs and sofas had been moved across the room, and other pieces of furniture were crooked or on the floor. Fortunately for Tifa, her father was rarely home._

_Namine and Roxas, two of the more sober members of the party, were talking in the foyer near the stairs when a blond haired man was suddenly hurled in Namine's direction. She gasped, almost screaming as she quickly moved out of the way. Cloud Strife slammed into the wall next to her with enough force to knock a picture frame from the wall. No one but Roxas and Namine seemed to notice what was going on, not that any of them could do anything about it anyway._

_Roxas tried to reach out to Cloud, but from the corner of his eye saw a figure quickly approaching. Squall Leonhart stormed up to Cloud's limp body and grabbed him by the collar, lifting him up harshly. It was then that Roxas saw Squall's face._

_His face was bleeding. A long gash ran from the top of his right eyebrow, down the bridge of his nose, to the top of his left cheek. His eyes were bloodshot and red, and there was no doubt that his cheeks were stained with tears, mixing in with some of the blood dripping from between his eyes. _

_Namine stood in horror as Squall held Cloud against the wall. _

"_Why!? WHY!?" Squall shouted in Cloud's face. Their faces were so close together Cloud couldn't turn away; instead he shut his eyes tightly. The blond's entire body was trembling but he remained still. When he didn't respond, Squall pushed him further against the wall before releasing him._

_Without another word, Squall turned and stormed out the front door._

_Cloud could only slump to the floor as his knees finally gave out. He stared at the door until the tears spilled from his eyes, and he wept._

* * *

Present 

It was a beautiful Saturday morning, despite it being mid-January. The sun was shining brightly, creating the illusion of crystals on the freshly fallen snow. Cloud slowly opened his eyes, letting them adjust to the intensity of the light. He stretched his arms over his head and yawned as he rolled over to glance at the clock. Eight thirty-one. Perfect.

Cloud threw the covers from his body, feeling the cooler air brush over his bare chest. He slid his feet into his fuzzy slippers and headed towards the kitchen.

After starting the coffee-maker, Cloud sat on the window seat in his living room and looked at the city below. It really looked like it was going to be a good day; perfect for a ride on Fenrir, Cloud's beloved motorcycle. The streets had been plowed early in the morning so there was no ice. Maybe he could go to park and paint; he hoped it wouldn't be too cold.

The shrill cry of the coffee-maker tore Cloud from his thoughts. As he poured himself a cup, adding quite a few teaspoons of sugar, the phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and smiled.

"Hello, Tifa, how are you today?" He asked cheerfully.

"Well, well, look who's in a good mood this morning. You must have gotten laid last night," was the sarcastic response from the other side.

Cloud couldn't help the faint blush the spread across his cheeks. He knew she was teasing, but he couldn't help it.

"Oh, Cloudy, I'm just messing with you," Tifa said chuckling, knowing all too well Cloud's reaction.

"Yea…uh…whatever. Anyway, what's up?" He asked taking a sip of his coffee.

"I know it's early, but I was just seeing how you were doing," Tifa replied gently.

Cloud's eyebrows knit together slightly. "I'm fine," his tone a little colder than he expected.

"Okay, I'm sorry…it's just that, you know, I want to make sure—"

"Tifa," Cloud cut her off sternly. "I said I'm fine," he said calmly.

"It helps to hear you say it," She replied quietly. Cloud could hear the faint sigh of relief she let out. He knew she was worried about him, but it made him feel like a child when she would check up on him. So Cloud's past wasn't perfect, maybe he had gotten caught up in some bad situations, but he hadn't used in four years...

"Oh, Cloud, have you heard from Kairi lately? I left her a message last week, but she never called me back."

"I talked to her about...," Cloud paused to think, "two weeks ago, right after she got out. She said she was moving back in with Riku," he finished, moving to sit on the couch in the living room.

"Really? I mean…do you think that's a good idea?" Tifa asked worriedly.

Cloud considered this briefly before replying. "I tried to tell her but she won't listen to me. She thinks he's doing better and that she can help him…" He paused sighing. "I don't know."

"I think you should go and see her," Tifa said quickly. "Reno and I are going to my father's this afternoon for the weekend."

"Is he okay?" Cloud asked concerned. Tifa's father wasn't very old, but his good health was deteriorating fast.

"Yes, he's fine; he just wanted some company, that's all." She paused, her tone becoming worried again. "Will you please go and see her? For me?" she pleaded.

Cloud sighed and ran his hand through his messy spikes. "Alright, I'll go over in a couple of hours."

Tifa let out the breath she was holding, "Thank you, Cloud."

"Yeah, sure."

"Look, I have finish packing, but I'll be back Tuesday, probably in the early afternoon, I'll call you then, okay?"

"Alright, have fun, and tell your dad I say hi."

"Sure, bye-bye," she said, suddenly much more cheerful.

"Bye."

Cloud put the cordless on the table and leaned back on the couch with his coffee. He sighed again. He hated going to see Kairi. He loved her to death, but she always looked so tired and sick, and his heart clenched in his chest just looking at her. It's true that he hadn't seen her since she was released from rehab, but he didn't want to see the same broken girl again. Ever since high school she and Riku had been into drugs. At first it was just cocaine on the weekends, but after graduation, it got much worse. Speed, acid, heroine, painkillers…anything they could find really. They lived together for a few years, but then Sora finally forced Kairi into rehab last year. He tried to help Riku, too, but he was in much deeper. When Kairi got out two weeks ago, she was able to get a small job and an apartment on the other side of the city. When Cloud talked to her last, she was still sober, but said she was moving back in with Riku.

Cloud shuddered involuntarily, thinking about the past. He quickly finished his coffee and went to the bathroom. He pulled his prescription bottle from the medicine cabinet and pulled out two capsules. He stared at them in his palm…A strange but familiar feeling washed over him. He held his hand over the sink, ready to let the pills fall down the drain.

'_I don't need these anymore…what's the worst that could happen? I don't need them…'_

Cloud squeezed his eyes shut and quickly willed his thoughts away. He shoved both pills into his mouth and took a swig of water from the faucet, swallowing them with ease.

Cloud brushed his teeth and took a quick shower before returning to his bedroom to get dressed. He pulled on gray knit shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. He finished a few chores around the house and then grabbed his jacket and keys and headed out to see Kairi.

It was much colder than he had thought after all. He intended to take Fenrir, but quickly changed his mind. He walked to the back of the apartment complex to his sleek sports car.

People thought being an artist wouldn't get him anywhere but clearly Cloud had done something right. He had a small gallery a few blocks away, and he was a mini-celebrity around the city. He made a good deal of money off his work, frequently autographing prints and being hired for personal jobs. He made quite a fortune collaborating with a local interior designer for an apartment building. Painting also helped him relax and take his mind off of things. Cloud couldn't imagine himself doing anything else.

When he pulled up to Riku's apartment, he let out a long sigh. He couldn't stand seeing his friends living here. There were trash bags spilled all over the sidewalks, windows were shattered and put back together with boards. A stray dog was digging in the dumpster in an alleyway and an old man sat on a bench in a drunken slumber.

Cloud slowly approached the front door, which looked like it could fall off at any moment. He lightly pressed on the doorbell and waited. Unfortunately, there was no answer. He tried again. Nothing.

'_Should I just go in?_ He contemplated. _The worst thing is that she's sleeping…but I promised I see her…'_

After another minute of deliberation, he decided to try the door. After using a little force, he managed to push it open. The door creaked as he slowly peeked his head inside. It was pretty dark, but he could a see a faint light at the end of the hallway. He could make out the faint shadows of some chairs in the side room. The wallpaper was peeling off, and the carpet was duct-taped to the edge of the wall. '_Good god,' _he thought.

"Hello? Kairi, Riku, are you here?" He said loudly, but not shouting. There was no answer. He stepped completely in the house and started down the hallway careful not to trip on the tears in the carpet. As he reached the kitchen, he turned the corner.

"Kairi…? Oh my God!!" He saw Kairi lying on the floor lifeless, her upper lip stained with blood.

"Holy shit, Kairi! Cloud ran to her side, shaking her shoulders and tapping the side of her cheek. "Come on, wake up!" He pulled out his phone and dialed 911.

"911 Emergency," the operator answered.

"Yea, I need an ambulance right away. My friend, she overdosed. Sixteen Destiny Road," Cloud said quickly, trying to stay as calm as possible.

"Okay, an ambulance is on its way. Can you stay on the line until they arrive?"

"Uh, yeah, I can," Cloud said, a little distracted.

"Can you tell me the victim's name?"

When he thought of Kairi as a victim, he felt his stomach flip.

"Her name is Kairi, Kairi Gainsborough," he said, becoming more nervous by the second.

"Is she breathing? Do you know CPR?" The operator asked, at least she sounded a little concerned for Kairi.

Cloud put his head over Kairi's and tried to feel her breath on his cheek. It was faint but he was pretty sure she was breathing.

"She's breathing, but it's faint. I don't know CPR or anything," Cloud conveyed to the operator.

"No, it's okay. If she's still breathing, CPR isn't necessary. You said she overdosed, do you know what kind of drugs she took?"

Cloud hadn't even looked around. He briefly took in the look of the shabby kitchen, but focused on searching for some sort of drug. He looked on the table and sure enough was a bag with a white powder inside. A razor was lying next to a small pile of what looked like the same substance. Cloud knew better.

"Cocaine," He replied. "But she took heroin, too."

"Okay, there isn't much you can do right now, the ambulance should be there soon."

As if on cue, Cloud could hear the faint screech of the sirens from down the road.

* * *

Cloud had been in the waiting room of the hospital for approximately two hours. He had barely moved a muscle. God did he hate hospitals. The endless expanse of white hallways, family members crying as a doctor told them their child, or parent, or lover just died, the horrible smell that seemed to float through every hallway. The memories of losing your closest friends… 

"Excuse me? Sir?" He heard a small voice nearby. He figured the voice was directed to someone else, but soon realized that he was the only one in the area. He lifted his head coming face to face with a very young woman wearing the signature long lab coat. She had blonde hair that was pulled back, leaving two strands lose, framing her face. She wore glasses and her skin was pale, but smooth. She stared at Cloud nervously, clutching her clipboard against her chest.

Cloud blinked. "Uh, yeah?" He answered, trying to come to his senses.

"You're Mr. Strife, correct? I'm doctor Trepe. You came here with Ms. Gainsborough?" She asked, seeming a little bit nervous.

"Yes, I am. How is she?" Cloud asked eagerly.

"You're her brother…? Or is she your girl—?"

"No, no. Just tell me how she is," Cloud didn't mean to get so testy, but why couldn't doctors just tell you what you wanted to know without the interrogation. Shouldn't _he_ be asking _her_ all the questions?

"Right, I'm sorry. It's just for the records…" She tried, trailing off.

"I'm a close friend, that's all."

"Okay, that's fine," she replied quickly. Cloud gave her an impatient glare, and she finally got the hint. She flipped a page of her clipboard, scanning it. "She's doing fine, right now. She first consumed cocaine and must have confused the heroin when she—"

"I know what happened," Cloud quickly interrupted. "But she's okay now, right?"

"Oh, um, yes, she's awake actually, if you'd like to see her. Thankfully, it wasn't a large amount of either drug; she should be able to go home tomorrow. However," her face sank, "you may want to get some help for her, maybe re—" Doctor Trepe cut herself off seeing Cloud drop his gaze to the floor once again.

"…Right. She's in Room seven, down that hall," she pointed to the hallway to Cloud's left, "feel to stay for a while. Do you have any other questions?" She asked gently.

"No, thank you," Cloud replied standing up.

She nodded, flashing a faint half-smile, before walking down the opposite hall.

The door to Kairi's room was open slightly and Cloud knocked lightly before pushing the door open. He saw Kairi lying on the hospital bed, an I.V. in her arm, various machines flashing and beeping. She stared at him as he entered, but quickly turned her head to stare at the white ceiling. She didn't say anything, nor did she move. Cloud moved to her bedside and pulled over a nearby chair. He looked up at her and saw that tears were falling from her eyes. Her expression was still blank, and she didn't move. This was the Kairi he was afraid of seeing. She looked sick and her face was extremely pale. She had large dark circles around her tired eyes. Her lips were dry and cracked, her hair was thin and tangled, and she looked like she hadn't eaten in weeks. God, where the hell was Riku? Like he could do anything for her. Tifa was right, he only made it worse.

"…Cloud?" she asked quietly, barely a whisper. "I'm…I'm so…sorry," she still refused to look at him.

Cloud sighed and put his head in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. "I can't stand seeing you like this. You have to stop, Kairi…"

Her eyes slid closed. Cloud spoke again, "Where's Riku? Why wasn't he home with you?"

She swallowed before replying, "I...I don't know…He left last night…I…I thought it was…" she stammered, trailing off.

"This isn't your fault, Kairi," he paused, "but you know, you have to go back, I won't let you be alone after what just happened," Cloud said sternly.

"…Okay," she replied quietly.

Cloud stayed next to her for the next couple of minutes. Neither of them spoke. All of sudden a silver-haired man burst through the door, panting.

"Kairi!" She lifted her head and looked at him, her expression never changing.

Cloud turned in his direction and narrowed his eyes. He never liked Riku. If it wasn't for him Kairi wouldn't be in so deep. He kept giving her more and more, and like a helpless child she gave in.

"Riku," Cloud ground out.

Riku looked worse than Kairi. The circles under his eyes were darker and his face was dirty. He wore an old sweatshirt, duct tape lying on the side, probably trying to patch up a tear. His jeans were ripped and dirty, and the soles of his shoes were dangerously close to falling off. Though he had muscle, his face looked like a skeleton.

Riku turned his attention to Cloud. He knew Cloud despised him, he attempted to choose his words carefully, "Hey, man…thank god you found her…I—"

"What?" Cloud interrupted coldly. "You were off getting more drugs? Is that it? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Cloud couldn't contain his anger; he would wring Riku's neck.

"Cloud…please…." Kairi tried to calm him down. He never heard her.

"She just got out of rehab; she was doing fine until you had to fuck it up, like you always do!" Cloud shouted at him, walking up to him.

It was Riku's turn to be angry, his eyes hardened and he stood his ground in front of Cloud's terrifying glare. "Hey, back off! Who are you to talk!? If I remember correctly, five years ago you were living under a fucking bridge begging for spare change to buy more…oh what was it again?" He paused, acting like he couldn't remember what he was saying. When he continued he looked Cloud straight in the eye. "Oh, yes, I remember now; crystal meth? Yea, you really liked that shit didn't you? If it wasn't for your little girlfriend Tifa and all those pills you take, you'd probably be dead," he finished still looking at a seething Cloud.

"Fuck you, Riku. Fuck. You. You're worthless; you've been knee deep in this shit since high school. At least I got my fucking life together. At least she," Cloud pointed behind him in Kairi's direction, "was able to put her life back together until you came and ruined it all over again."

"Ha! Don't make me laugh. She's the one who came back to _me_. She crawled up to my doorstep like a lost child, begging me to take her back in. I couldn't bear to see her in pain, I just gave her what she asked for," he said, smiling cynically.

Cloud's expression turned to utter disbelief and confusion. He turned to Kairi, who looked at him with wide, shining eyes.

"Cloud…I…I…" she sobbed.

He had to get away. He couldn't deal with this anymore. Shoving Riku out of the way he stormed out of the room into the hallway, breathing hard. His thoughts were scattered. He didn't know where he was going but his feet were simply moving and he just went along. Shit, what time was it? How long had he been waiting here?

All of a sudden someone was in front of him and he crashed right into their chest, stumbling slightly before the other caught him. Thankfully, the collision had distracted him from his mental battle. He swore under his breath and looked up at the person he had just ran into, ready to profusely apologize. But, something stopped him as he looked the man in the eyes.

'_Those eyes…that…scar…Oh my God. _No. _It _can't _be.'_

The man had dark brown hair that spilled over his shoulders. His skin was tan, his eyes were a stormy-grey, and right between them was…a scar.

Cloud's stomach churned inside of him and he suddenly felt as if he would vomit. Squall Leonhart looked down at him, his eyes filled with as much, if not more, surprise and horror as Cloud's.

"…No, its not…it's not really you…it can't be…you…" Cloud stuttered, his mind a jumble of memories. "All these years…it's not…"

"…Cloud…it really is you," the man said, his expression softening ever so slighty.

Cloud swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry. He couldn't speak, his vision was becoming blurry, and before he knew it tears were spilling down his cheeks.

"Please, Cloud…" the man reached out his hand.

Cloud instantly slapped the hand away. "Don't touch me," he said, venom dripping from each word. "I _hate_ you."

Quickly retreating his hand, Squall was now the one who couldn't speak. There was _so_ much he wanted to say, but every time he opened his mouth nothing came out. It didn't matter, Cloud was already walking away. Now, it was Squall who cried.

* * *

"_Cloud? Are you here?" As he turned the corner of the hallway and looked into the room, he stopped and smiled._

_Cloud was slumped over his desk, his head buried in his arms. His unfinished homework scattered around him. His headphones were blaring; Squall could hear them from across the room. He walked over to him, carefully removing the headphones. _

"_Hey, Cloud, wake up," he whispered in Cloud's ear, lightly shaking him._

_Cloud grimaced and groaned, mumbling a little bit as he shifted in his now half-asleep state. He slowly opened his eyes, and met Squall's grey ones. He smiled. "What time is it?" He asked yawning._

"_About 5:30," Squall answered._

_As realization dawned on him, Cloud's head shot up. "Shit! Squall, I'm sorry! I fell asleep, I—"_

"_I'm not mad," Squall chuckled. "When you didn't show I just wanted to make sure you didn't mugged on the way or something."_

_Cloud sighed and smiled in relief. "I'm sorry, I really am."_

"_Well, since you left me waiting today, and made me go out looking for you, I think you should make it up to me," Squall said suggestively._

"_What did you have in mind?" Cloud asked grinning._

"_Oh, I don't know…something along the lines of this…" he trailed off as he leaned in to capture Cloud's lips. _

"_Mmm…I think I can do that," Cloud said breaking the kiss briefly, only to press his lips against Squall's once again. He stood up and leaned against the side of the desk. Squall pressed closer, his hands moving to grasp his hips. Cloud wound his arms around Squall's neck as he melted against him. Squall's hands began to wander a bit, playing with the belt loops of Cloud's jeans, before drifting lower over his pockets. Suddenly though, he stopped as he felt something oddly familiar in one of Cloud's pockets. _

_As he broke this kiss, Cloud looked at him with a confused expression on his face. "What…?" He froze, however, when Squall pulled a small bag with a white substance inside from his right pocket, holding it in front of his face._

_Cloud slowly removed his hands from Squall's neck, placing them lightly on his chest. "Squall…I…"_

"_Jesus, Cloud," Squall cut him off angrily, taking a step back. "When will this shit end?"_

"_Squall, please, I just…I only got a little…I…"_

"_Forget it," Squall growled, tossing the bag on the floor at Cloud's feet. He turned swiftly and stormed out._

_Cloud dropped his head and bent down to retrieve the bag. He clutched it tightly in his hands. He tried to fight back his tears, but a few escaped and slid down his cheek. He quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom. He kneeled in front of the toilet, breathing heavily. He looked between the bag in his hands and the water._

_He opened the bag and held it over the bowl…but he stopped. His mind was screaming for him to get rid of it all, but his body wouldn't move. He withdrew his hand, closing the lid. As a few more tears fell, he whispered to Squall, hoping by some miracle he could hear him._

"_I'm sorry…I'm_ so_…sorry…"_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: FINALLY!!! Wow, it's been over a year for such a short chapter...because I honestly haven't really worked on it. I still want to finish this story, so that's why I'm just posting this...filler(?)...I guess I could call it. I feel bad it's so short but I've gotten the notifications of people adding the story to favorites and I had to put something up! So Thank you all so much!**

**So, this chapter has some backstory, too. Hopefully to clear some things up, etc. **

**Warnings are the same (drugs, death, shitload of angst, etc etc.) And I still don't own anything...**

Cloud opened his eyes to his horribly familiar and dark room. His light blue curtains and accents, white bed sheets, and dark brown wood were all different shades of grey. The blinds were almost fully closed, only a few streaks of light shone through the bottom, telling Cloud that it was daytime. He didn't even bother looking at his bedside clock. He didn't care. The longer he sat, the more pain he began to feel.

His eyes were dry and probably red from crying, his throat was scratchy from screaming and his stomach ached from lack of food. When he tried to move, his muscles were stiff and his joints cracked slightly. He shut his eyes tight again. It wasn't just the physical pain. It was far worse than that.

He thought about what happened two days ago for what seemed like the hundredth time. Seeing Kairi…but seeing…_him._ All he could do was think about the painful past, and he couldn't block it out.

Squall left him. It was five years ago. He left him in the dark. That's when he lost control.

Aerith died that night. Sephiroth left the party early, but then he came back. He was going too fast, he swerved, he hit her. They said she died instantly and didn't feel any pain. But, God, Cloud did. He used more and more. He'd tried everything. He never had much of a family. His foster parents kicked him out.

After he left home, he stayed with Riku. Riku could get drugs, god knows from where, but he got them and that was all Cloud needed. Everything was great, for a while anyway. Then Cloud needed more and more, and when Riku couldn't get it he went crazy. He stayed up for days on end; when he did sleep, he'd wake up in places he didn't remember ever going to, with people he didn't remember meeting. When Riku kicked him out, he lived on the streets. He had no where else to go. The only people he knew were Riku and anybody he had a one night stand with. He got money by any means necessary. He stole, he begged, he slept with anyone who would give him some spare change. Somehow he'd gotten out of Hollow Bastion and ended up in Midgar.

Then Tifa found him. But it wasn't that easy. Nothing is ever easy.

Tifa was smart though. She tricked him; saying she'd give him what he wanted. He went with her, and she told him to stay at her house for a while. Then she'd give him the cash. She managed to call the hospital without Cloud noticing, and when he saw the flashing lights through the window he made a run for it. Not before he knocked down Tifa when she tried to stop him. He doesn't remember much after that. He ran for a while, but Midgar was unfamiliar and he didn't know where to go. They caught him.

He was fully awake in the hospital a few days later. They told him he had AIDS, multiple STD's and other diseases, and he would have to go through intense rehab and psychotherapy. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and was prescribed at least five different medications.

Cloud had replayed the events of his life in his head over and over again. He was about to sink back into seclusion when the phone rang. He didn't answer it. When the answering machine clicked on, Cloud sat up slightly. It was silent for a few seconds, as if the person was thinking of what to say. _'Who…?'_

"_Cloud…it's… Squall."_

Cloud went cold.

"_Please call me. Or come over. I want to see you…talk to you… please. I'm apartment eight, near the Midgar Plaza. Please, just…come…"_

The machine clicked off and Cloud still sat, completely frozen. _'How…did he find me?'_ He thought. _'I can't…he _left _me. I can't, I won't go. How can I…? But he…he…Oh, God...'_

Cloud started to panic, but he couldn't understand why. He started breathing faster and faster. He put his head in his hands trying to calm down, but he couldn't control himself. He started shaking and when he looked up the room was spinning and he had to close his eyes. Tears started falling from his eyes as he tried to orientate himself. He couldn't stop crying, and he started panicking more. It felt like his chest was constricting and he couldn't breathe.

He leaned over and clenched his comforter in his hands. His eyes were still closed tightly as he tried to force back the tears that just kept coming. He breathed as deep and as hard as he could. He finally let out a few deep breaths, and his grip on his bed loosened. He collapsed, and fell asleep.

Cloud awoke to sound of someone's voice beckoning him to wake up, and hands shaking his shoulders. He slowly opened his eyes to Tifa kneeling by the bed.

"Cloud!? Thank God you're finally awake!" she cried, trying to help him sit up.

"I thought you were…out of town…" he asked confused, his voice cracking when he spoke.

Tifa froze staring at him, burning holes in his eyes. "Cloud…it's…Wednesday morning…have you…how long have you been in here!?" Her voice was frantic.

Cloud didn't even know the answer. Had it really been that long?

Tifa cried out again getting up quickly. "Oh my God, you have to eat something! Jesus! Have you taken your medication!?" Without waiting for a reply she ran to the bathroom, returning with bottles of prescription drugs. "Here, I'll get water." She pushed the bottles to Cloud, and he slowly accepted them. Disoriented, he stared at the labels. "_Retrovir - Take three capsules twice a day," "Zyprexa_ - _Take one tablet once a day with water," "Norpramin – Take 100 milligrams each night," _they said. **(1)**

When Tifa returned with a large glass of water she got out the necessary dose of each prescription. "When was the last time you took these?" she asked.

"I guess…it was…Saturday…"

She sighed heavily as she handed him the first dose and the glass of water. "Don't do this to me now, Cloud. Please don't. I can't lose you…"

Cloud didn't say anything. He took the rest of the medication with Tifa in silence. He finished the water and put the glass on the nightstand. Another minute or so of silence passed before Tifa spoke.

"Cloud…I know what happened, and why you're like this," she said carefully.

Cloud's head shot up to look at her, a questioning expression on his face.

She sighed and continued. "I…talked to Le-I mean…Squall…"

Cloud felt his already deteriorating world crumble instantly. How could Tifa talk to Squall? It was impossible; she hadn't talked to Squall since high school. He left…

"I always stayed in touch with him after graduation. He went to school at Balamb University. He became a doctor, like he always wanted to," **(2)** her attempt to lighten the situation failed as Cloud still sat in shocked silence. "After Zack died…he went back to Hollow Bastion, and then moved here. He works at the hospital."

Cloud took in what Tifa said. After Zack died? That was…last year. Squall had been here for a year…

"I never talked about you. I told him I didn't know where you were. I couldn't tell him not to come here without him asking why. He told me he saw you. I just wanted to…to help you. I didn't want…this…to happen…" A few tears fell from her eyes. "I'm sorry, Cloud, I am, I just wanted…to protect you…"

"You knew he was here?" Cloud said, becoming furious. "And you didn't tell me? You kept this from me!"

"Cloud, please…"

"No! You betrayed me!" He shouted rising from the bed.

"What are you talking about? Cloud, don't do this!"

Cloud's anger was so intense he groped for words. "How…how could you just…forget that he left me!?"

Tifa looked at him in disbelief. "Cloud, why are you like this? I didn't want you to react like this!" she cried.

"What did you expect? After he left me! He _left_ me, Tifa!"

"And you left _me_!" she exploded, and Cloud's eyes went wide. "You left, too, or did you forget that!? And did you ever think for a second _why_ he left!? He couldn't bear to see you killing yourself everyday! You hurt him more than he could have _ever_ hurt you. He told you to quit, but you never did. How do you think he'd feel if he saw you like I did? He had to save himself…" she cried as she broke out in sobs.

"Tifa…I…" but Cloud didn't know what to say.

"Just…forget it…" she mumbled, getting up and wiping her eyes.

"Wait…"

"No, I have to go. Just go and see him, okay? That's all I'm asking," she finished, her tone cold but pleading, as she quickly left the room. Cloud heard his door slam shut and he fell to the bed.

**(1) I did a bit of research about side effects of meth and drugs, and then looked up some medications. Now, the combination I listed could kill you for all I know...but I'm just warning you that it could be inaccurate.**

**(2) Let's just pretend Leon is a genius, kay? Ha, I realized that that was quite a short time to become a doctor....**

**END NOTE: So, there you go! I'm sorry if its not what you were expecting and crappy. I WILL continue, I PROMISE! I actually started another story (shame on me) which I'll probably post soon, but as soon as I get a good idea on how these two emos will meet each other without it being too corny and stuff...I'll write it!Again, thank you guys so much for reading! **

**(Hope you all had good holidays, too!)  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: WOW, finallyyyyy doooonnneee! And I'm going to be honest and say that this is a bit rushed and could be longer but I had to get this done; this story has been incomplete for too long. That being said, I got across what I wanted to get across (hopefully...) and I am proud of this. It was my first story an' all...hehe.**

**I can't thank all of you who reviewed enough. Seriously, you have my infinite gratitude.  
**

**So, please enjoy the finale of _Always_ :)**

Cloud studied the large apartment building as he walked from the parking lot on the side to the front door. It was relatively new, couldn't be older than two years, with clean wood paneling and brick accents. It was clear Squall had done well for himself.

He walked as slowly as possible up the concrete stairs to the glass door. The first door was unlocked, which led to a front room with a call box. Cloud paused once he was inside, taking a deep breath. He could do this…He needed to do this. He couldn't go on with the rest of his life and never speak to Squall again.

The panel had each number by floor, with a name next to each one. Just glancing quickly, Cloud noticed not all the rooms were occupied. He found number eight easily, with the name "Leon Leonhart" next to it. At first, Cloud thought he'd made a mistake, but he had never met another Leonhart before. After another deep breath, Cloud pressed the button. He was expecting to hear Squall's voice through the speaker, asking who it was at the door, but the shrill sound of the buzzer came immediately instead. A bit puzzled, Cloud opened the door anyway.

Cloud didn't exactly call Squall to tell him he was coming. Maybe it was his own insecurity, but he just took a chance coming unannounced. He expected Squall to be busy at the hospital and he would be able to come back later. No such luck apparently.

There were two sets of elevators at the front of a long hallway, the apartment doors along each side. Numbers one through ten were on the ground floor, so Cloud began walking down the corridor, slowly. The place was brightly lit, with pale yellow painted on the walls. The carpet was a deep maroon that actually complemented the walls nicely. Each door had a matted area in front and a shelf extending from the wall.

All too soon, Cloud reached door #8. After another quick deep breath, Cloud knocked on the wooden door. _'No turning back now.'_ He could hear the soft sound of footsteps approaching and the click of two different locks opening.

And then Squall was there in the doorway. His expression went from shock to relief almost instantly. "Cloud…" He almost whispered. "I'm so glad you came," he said, letting out a breath it seemed like he'd been holding all day. Cloud couldn't really bring himself to speak just yet; he was amazed he was actually standing in front of Squall Leonhart.

Since Cloud had been in such a hurry the last time he and Squall crossed paths, he didn't get a chance to really see him. Squall was still about an inch taller than him, about the same build. His hair was much longer, brushing over his shoulders; he couldn't believe he had barely noticed that. He was wearing a simple gray Henley t-shirt and slim black jeans, with a black belt. His scar seemed even more prominent than the last time he saw him, and Cloud immediately felt a pang of guilt.

"Please, come in," Squall suddenly said quickly, stepping aside. Cloud wasn't sure how long he had been staring and still hadn't said anything.

He swallowed before replying with a soft "thanks." He took a slow step over the threshold into Squall's apartment. Cloud had been right, the apartment was very modern and new. The kitchenette, which he noticed was substantially bigger than his own, with stainless steel appliances and a bar-style counter. A gas fireplace was the centerpiece of the living area, with a large navy blue couch next it and two matching chairs on either side. A huge flatscreen TV was mounted on the wall in front of the couch, with speakers on each side. There was an area on the side of the kitchen separated by a doorway to the dining table. The walls were off-white but most were covered by large colorful, modern paintings. The floor was hardwood with a large brown plush rug in the living area. There was a floor to ceiling bookcase on the left wall. It was almost completely full of books, a few photos and trinkets here and there. Squall had always loved to read.

"This is a really nice place," Cloud said, although he didn't intend to that outloud.

"Thank you," Squall said as he closed and locked the door. "It's a little much for my taste, but it's close to the hospital." He said smiling only slightly. "I'll take your jacket," he said holding out his hands.

"Oh, thanks," Cloud replied. But as he shrugged his jacket off, he got a strange feeling. This was bizarre. It was like he and Squall were old friends and hadn't been separated for five years by unfortunate events. This was all too casual, and it was making Cloud feel slightly sick. Yes, it happened a long time ago, and yes, both men had done some growing up…but pain from their wounds still lingered.

Squall hung up Cloud's jacket in a small closet, and walked to the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink? Water, tea, coffee?"

"Coffee would be nice, thanks," Cloud replied, taking off his shoes. "Sugar, please."

"No problem. You can sit in the living room, I'll get the coffee."

Cloud nodded and walked to the blue couch and sat down. He had a minute to think while Squall was in the kitchen. He had so much he wanted to say, but couldn't seem to remember any of it. Cloud suddenly realized how nervous he was, but Squall seemed so calm. It was warm in the room, but Cloud still shivered.

It seemed like only seconds before Squall was placing a white mug on the coffee table in front of him. He paused after placing it, and for the first time since Cloud entered he seemed unsure. He moved to the chair to Cloud's right.

Cloud muttered his thanks, and held the mug in his hands to warm up. He couldn't bring himself to look up at Squall, so he stared at his hands. Soon, though, he decided that was too awkward and reluctantly looked to the brunet, who was taking a rather long sip from his mug. When he put the cup back on the coffee table, Squall's eyes met Cloud's. It hurt Cloud to look at him, but he couldn't turn away from those beautiful steel-blue eyes he could never forget.

It seemed as though they stared at each other for hours, before Cloud broke contact and brought his own mug to his lips. There wasn't nearly enough sugar, but there was no way for Squall to know how much and Cloud wasn't about to say anything. When Cloud looked at Squall again, his expression had completely changed. He was no longer calm or unsure, just solemn, and Cloud felt his stomach tie into a knot.

Thankfully, Squall began first. "I knew this was going to be hard," he began, trying to keep his voice from shaking, "but I'm really glad you came. After I saw you at the hospital, I thought about you all night. I knew that I had to see you again—"

"Wait. Squall," Cloud couldn't help but interrupt suddenly. He noticed Squall's eyes harden ever so slightly at the sound of his name. "I should apologize…for everything. What I said when I saw you, for what happened five years ago. I was angry, but it was my own fault." He sighed. "Instead of facing my anger for myself, I took it out on others."

Squall looked down briefly and then back at Cloud. "I forgive you. Really, I do."

Cloud couldn't help but let out a small scoff. "So easily?"

"No. It wasn't easy…at all, actually." Cloud averted his gaze. "Honestly, I was so angry at you. For years. So much so that I shut out the last few years of my life. I ran into Yuffie when I moved back here a year ago, and she couldn't help but go on about memories from high school…and I remembered you. I thought about a lot of things after that. Even if I never saw you again, I had to forgive you."

Cloud was silent a moment. "The name next to your number, Leon…you changed your name? To forget, right?"

Squall ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"I don't blame you. I would change it all. Everything I did. But I'll never be able to, so I'd do anything to forget…what I did to you…" As Cloud paused, he felt tears welling in his eyes and he remembered everything. "Jesus, Squall. I put you through so much shit…"

"Cloud, it wasn't your fault, you were—"

Cloud's head shot up. "How can you say it wasn't my fault?" He asked in disbelief. "I had plenty of chances to stop, you asked me to everyday and I just got deeper and deeper. How can it be anyone's fault but my own!"

"Because, Cloud. That's just what happens. After working in hospitals, I know what it's like. You couldn't have stopped by yourself," Squall said reassuringly. "Besides, I was the one who left you and gave up…"

"It's not fair that you defend me. What I did…what I put everyone through…was my choice," Cloud replied quietly, a few tears falling down his cheeks. "It's unforgivable."

"But I _do_ forgive you, Cloud," Squall pressed, looking at the blond, seemingly unable to understand why he couldn't understand that.

"How!" Cloud almost shouted, immediately putting his head in his hands. "How can you forgive me for lying to you numerous times and…" Cloud looked up at Squall's scar. "For doing _that_ to you?"

The look in Squall's eyes told Cloud what he was going to say before he said it. "Because I love you."

Cloud shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, the tears still falling. "No…no…" And then he felt the cushion next to him sink in. And Squall was next to him.

"I have _always_ loved you."

"Please don't say that," Cloud begged, looking at Leon. "Don't say that to me." It couldn't be true, Cloud thought. After everything that happened, how could he still _love_ him?

Squall reached his hand out to Cloud's cheek, his thumb stroking softly, wiping some of the wetness from Cloud's face. Cloud closed his eyes, trying to enjoy the comforting gesture, but unable to feel anything but guilt. He didn't even feel the cushion shift slightly as Squall moved forward, and by the time Squall pressed his lips ever so softly against Cloud's, it was too late.

All the emotions from years ago flooded back to him. Lust, happiness, passion, pain, hurt…love. He knew he shouldn't do this. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to Squall. But Squall pressed a little harder, and moved his lips a little more, and Cloud couldn't bring himself to pull away. Completely overwhelmed by the kiss, he slid his hand around the side of Squall's neck, pulling him in. He started moving a little faster and Squall kept up, softly asking for more with his tongue. Without a second thought, Cloud obliged, his judgment almost completely gone. But when Squall brushed his hand over Cloud's stomach, it felt as though he had been stabbed.

Cloud suddenly pushed Squall away and stumbled backwards as he stood to distance himself. Squall stared up at him completely bewildered.

"I can't do this," Cloud panted. "It's not fair to you." Squall didn't move or say anything, as if he was waiting for Cloud to continue. "I…you say you love me…but I can't say the same to you."

"I know," Squall quickly replied. "I don't expect you to," he said, standing. "At least not yet."

Cloud felt a new wave of tears building behind his eyes, and closed his eyes.

Squall held Cloud's head in his hands. "Cloud, we can try...can't we? You're clean now…what's stopping us?" Cloud opened his eyes and looked at Squall. "Why can't things go back to how they were?"

Cloud was stunned. He couldn't believe Squall was saying this. It was true, Cloud was better now. Cloud's addiction was the root of all their problems, other than that, they had been happy…But…

"No."

Squall, stunned, dropped his hands from Cloud's face.

Cloud had never seen Squall cry since that night, and now tears fell from his eyes. He fell back to the couch, putting his head in his hands, and Squall slowly sat next to him. Tears fell from his own eyes as he looked at the brunet. Their relationship was unfixable. The betrayal and the years apart could never be erased. Even if Leon could still love him, he could never love again, and nothing could ever be the same.

"You were the first and only person I ever loved, and I'm glad I fell in love with you…But when you left, you took my love with you. I can't give you what you deserve."

Squall shook his head. "No…no. Cloud, I left you because _I_ failed you. I was too afraid…It's not your fault, all you have to do is forgive yourself, Cloud," he said desperately.

"And if I do? You'll still have to watch me die," Cloud said dropping his head.

"…Cloud."

"I'm sick, Squall. I may as well still be addicted with all the pills I take. They only slow down the process..."

Squall simply stared, a heartbroken expression his face. "But…you can still…" he sobbed.

"You know as well as I do things can never be the same. It's not fair for you to give everything and get nothing in return. If you really love me, you'll …forget," he said, pleadingly. "Leon."

Squall's head shot up to look at Cloud's. They both just looked at each other, and even though there was so much hurt in Squall's…no, Leon's eyes, Cloud knew he had done the right thing. Leon understood.

"So, this is…goodbye then?" Leon asked tentatively.

Cloud looked into Leon's eyes for a few moments. "Yeah."

"_Can you believe it, Squall? We're graduating tomorrow!" Cloud said excitedly as he walked into Squall's bedroom, sitting at the edge of the brunet's bed._

_Squall dropped his bag onto his desk chair and flipped open his laptop as he entered. "I know. It's pretty surreal," he said smiling._

"_Tifa's party is going to be insane. Hopefully, Yuffie won't break another one of her dining room chairs," Cloud added, chuckling._

_Squall laughed as well and walked to the blond. "Know what I'm most excited for after graduation?" he asked, smirking._

_Cloud gave him a wary look. "What?"_

"_We have the whole summer to ourselves," The brunet said as he moved his face closer to Cloud's._

_Cloud smiled and took the liberty of closing the distance between them. He reached out and grabbed a fistful of Squall's shirt, pulling him forward as he leaned back. Squall didn't resist and let himself be pulled down on top of his boyfriend. Cloud's hands ran over the brunet's muscled back and around to his abdomen, tugging on Squall's belt. _

_Squall pulled away and put his hand over Cloud's to stop his movement. "Wait…"_

"_It's okay. I want to," Cloud said reassuringly. _

_Squall was thrown from what he was actually about to say by Cloud's declaration. "I…That wasn't what I was going to say…but…you're sure?"_

_Cloud reached up and placed his hand on the side of Squall's face, getting the brunet to look him in the eyes. "Yes," he said, placing a chaste kiss to Squall's slack lips._

_The brunet smiled. "I wanted to tell you how happy I am, that you stopped…even though it was hard for you. Promise me you're done…for good…"_

"_I'm done. I promise," Cloud replied sternly._

_Squall smiled the most genuine smile Cloud had ever seen. "I love you, and I trust you."_

_And Cloud couldn't help but smile back. "Always?"_

"_Always."_


End file.
